I don’t think this is about control – I think it has to do with fear. I think your girlfriend feels like you tried to play the field behind her back. Is her opinion valid? Maybe not – only you and her can know that for sure. But I do think that this isn’t about just platonic friendships. And it’s also about your failure to listen to your girlfriend and understand how she could come up with the opinion that she did. She put four years in you – I doubt she wants to just give that up or feel like she wasted her twenties. There’s something more going on and you need to figure that out, communicate with her, and help alleviate your fears before you turn resentful, stubborn, and continue to not communicate with your girlfriend. posted by Stynxno at 5:38 PM on [23 favorites]

I know that it’s fun and easy for all of the MeFi men to get their frustrations out on teh wimmins, but come ON.

OK, I mostly agree that she shouldn’t be doing this, but I’m going to play devil’s advocate a little here.

But, second, I’m dubious about men and women being in successful friendships when either one is in a relationship

But, first, I don’t think this girl should be acting like this for her own sake. It doesn’t sound to me like the OP is about to cheat on his girlfriend, and particularly not with this other woman. She can’t be 100% sure about it, it’s true. Everyone’s a bit jealous, a bit insecure. But the way to deal with that is not to say «I forbid you from seeing other women!» cos it’s counter-productive. If a guy was thinking of cheating he’ll still find a way to cheat. If it hadn’t occurred to him to cheat, it might well do all of a sudden given the combination of controlling girlfriend, who suddenly seems a lot less attractive, and the «forbidden friend». Cleverest and most attractive way to deal with jealousy is to hide it, be all easygoing, assume the best, don’t waste time obsessing over potential cheating, but strictly and mercilessly DTMFA if cheating ever occurs, never looking back.Seguir leyendo