Relationships make us feel desired, cared for and loved, and the right relationship empowers us. In order to build a healthy relationship, we need to aim to find our own true sexiness within ourselves. Often we hear that we are perhaps too fat, too loud and too ambitious for the world, sometimes from our own thoughts and feelings. We are often bombarded with negativity and criticism.

Find freedom from the negative messages you often receive from those who are closest to you. This could be from your parents, your friends, your culture, and everything and everyone that exists in your immediate environment, including yourself! We are frequently our biggest critics! However, it is incredibly liberating to let go of that past conditioning and focus on finding our true authentic sexiness that exists within all of us, so that we are able to project that authenticity into a healthy relationship.

To nip self-criticism in the bud, ask yourself, “Would you talk to your friend that way? Your lover? Your sister? Would you want to pass on that negative energy to those you care about?” – Of course not

The toxic messages you receive over a lifetime, even from people who allegedly love and cherish you, can make your body and spirit sick and this will affect what you feel you deserve in your relationships around you. Extra resurser The work of becoming sexy and brilliant is challenging at first, because it requires you to challenge your relationships with yourself as well as your relationships with the people who pour these toxic words into your soul.

When you realize that you deserve better than nonstop criticism and second-class treatment, that realization is guaranteed to transform your existing relationships and on the journey of creating new relationships. How could it not? You confront the “way things are” and embrace your potential. Those people who are meant to be with you on your spiritual journey will understand and support you. They are along for the ride. Those who fight against your personal development and try to keep you small, subdued, or ashamed will not and should not last long in your life.

1. Knowledge

The more you know yourself the more you can teach others about yourself, including romantic and sexual partners. Self-knowledge allows you to learn what your likes and dislikes are and what you expect from yourself and others. My road to empowerment and finding my sexy brilliance confused some of my friends and scared my family at times. I have even scared myself as I learned to create and set new boundaries. Allow yourself to find your true authenticity and at the same time, work at deprogramming yourself from your cultural blueprint, which often carries criticism and lots of alone time in self-study. Find who you are so that you may open yourself to the possibility of a healthy relationship with yourself and with others.

2. Acceptance

When you accept yourself for who you are and all of your divinity you can accept others without judgement for being who they are. I built the courage to put myself out there in the world and learn about myself through my relationships with other people. Allow others to be authentic and create a safe space for them to be vulnerable. When you accept who you are, you can trust others to enter your safe space as well.

3. Shared laughter

Misunderstandings and arguments will happen, but the important thing is to not be afraid of arguments. If you can laugh and communicate through your arguments, you know you will never be bored. Laughter creates joy, a positive atmosphere and infectious happiness. Being able to share the gift of laughter through our life’s challenges will lead you to a life filled with the kind of satisfaction you thought only existed in romantic movies.

Devina Kaur is an inspirational speaker, radio host, and producer. She is also the author of the self-help book called «Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious». . Read More